Testimonials

Testimonials of Nintendo religious experiences and miracles.

From our first convert, Lara:

"during the school year, my brothers would never do their homework
so after they played their video games, i played mom and said things like, "what
are you learning?"

then my brother, aaron, replies, "always be prepared
for an ambush"

and let's face it -- he's right"

From our second convert, Robin:

I remember the first time I saw a Nintendo. I had to shift about, trying
to get a glimpse through the hordes of children surrounding it. I would
have just pushed my way through, but they were bigger and stronger; they
were my sister’s friends, and this was my sister’s birthday party – and
yes, that beautiful piece of machinery was now my sister’s.

The authority and tyranny of my big sister kept the Nintendo from my
complete possession for the next few years. The system was mine to play
on, but only when she was out of the apartment, or taking a nap, or
getting in trouble with Mum….otherwise, it was like good food under
communism; sparingly enjoyed, and gobbled up greedily with the knowledge
that it’s enjoyment would soon cease.

Nevertheless, I honed my Nintendo skills back in those early days, when
there was only one consol. I took quickly to the precepts and principles;
I was soon able to defeat several castles, saving the princess from the
corrupt and sinful Bowser. Those were the early days, but the glory was
not far off.

My patience and dedication was awarded when I was 10. Then, in that
fateful year, I was given my due; a Super NES system. This one was to be
mine – mine for all eternity and past the realms of death! Oh how I
rejoiced! I quickly acquired my fair share of scripture; all the
girly-games a girl could want. Beethoven, Aladdin, Animaniacs, the world
was my burrito. When I had sleep- overs, all the girls wanted to come –
they knew what I had stored away up in my office, glowing with the
effervescent light of the divine! We would spend hours playing Super Mario
Brothers, Mario All Stars, and the Lion King. What peace of mind
accompanies childhood with the help of a pair of Italian brothers.

And what is more; Nintendo released my urge to learn. Nobody else, not
even my girlfriends, really like “Mario is Missing!” but I loved it. I
could travel the world and learn it’s history while killing koopas and
riding Yoshi! All I know about San Francisco, Sydney and Beijing I owe to
“Mario is Missing!”.

As I grew older, of course, my faith faded, but such is the tragic effect
of age. Yet I’ve never left behind completely my Nintendo inspired moments
of innocence; I still remember well the day I sat in class in 5th grade,
thinking of nothing but getting home and playing that awesome level in the
last world in Super Mario World where the rhinoceros things crawl around.
And indeed, for a kid, especially a girl, honed Nintendo skills were a
useful quality to have. Who knows how much easier it made these fragile
and yet dynamic times. One thing is for certain, it was always fun playing
it with Daddy. Man, could I kick his ass

Got a testimonial? A time when Nintendo has made a difference in your life? When Mario saved you from a life of despair and despondency?

Accept Nintendo. Cast away the evils of Sony and Microsoft, and all others who've come before and who shall come after.

The Founding: Nintendo as Religion

Nintendo Corporation, Ltd. A company, or a religious movement on par with the greatest cults of our time?

I argue the latter.

Inspired by the Believer who publishes seriousgamer007.blogspot.com, I have come to realize that my religion is, in fact, Nintendo. Nintendology. The Church of Nintendo.

It's a work in progress.

Think I'm as crazy as Tom Cruise? Before unfavorably comparing my sanity to John Travolta's, look deep into your own heart, and you'll discover that you, too, have more in common with Nintendo than your current religion.

Your faith in Nintendo will grow as you read faith-promoting literature, and logically, emotionally, confront the modern-day miracles produced by Nintendo:

When was the last time you saw Jesus? I'll tell you right now, I last saw Mario in 2002. He appeared to me in San Francisco's Little Italy district, alongside the world's largest bowl of pasta.

The world's largest. A modern-day miracle.

How many actual, physical, tangible pieces of pure joy has your religion produced? Nothing, except perhaps Rastafarian's blunts, can evoke unbridled happiness that even approaches that of Super Mario Bros. 3. Recall the Ritual of inserting the cartridge into the NES, pushing the Power button, watching the flashing/mesmerizing pink and green screen, turning off the NES, removing the game and blessing it with your own life's breath, reinserting the cartridge into its holy Mantle, Praying that the Game works, and ultimately letting loose a cry of ecstasy as the familiar "ding" sounds, and the title screen appears. Rejoice!